filet o' faith, part 1

" "I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." I, John, your brother and fellow partaker in the tribulation and kingdom and perseverance which are in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus." Revelations 1:8-9 New American Standard


Too often today I see Christianity sold as a name it claim it, believe it receive it, cure-all, get rich quick scheme where Jesus is some 'santa clause in the sky' who will pave your way to early retirement. "Don't have the car you want yet? Go ahead and claim it in the name of Jesus! It's already yours!" I can hear the sweating, overweight preacher now on TBN. Sometimes I wonder if evangelists want people to believe they are selling timeshares to an social club where everyone just lays around on the beach and reads copies of the Prayer of Jabez. that's not the christianity i signed up for. whatever happened to, 'In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world...'? I honestly think we have forgotten all about suffering and tribulation and persecution. After all, why should Satan persecute the American church?

I, John, your brother and fellow partaker in the tribulation ...
In the above verses, an exiled and elderly John the Apostle is writing to 7 turkish churches. His great advertising gimmick is this: "Come suffer with me!" That's not one you hear too often from the pulpit on sunday morning. In fact, the whole reason for him being imprisoned on the island was the Gospel of Christ. you know what would happen if he wrote that to churches today? they'd laugh in his face. they'd tell him that it's not like that anymore. they'd send him pictures of their summer homes and new cars and tell them how well liked they are in their communities. they'd tell him all about their church softball league and the youth mission trip to Tahiti. they'd explain to John how there is nothing offensive about Jesus.

...and kingdom and perseverance...
I tell you what, Jesus is extreme. You either hate Him or love Him. He literally asks us to die with Him. No easy street, no gravy train, no retirement plan. John knew this. He'd seen his fellow believers hung, beheaded, tortured and crucified, all for the name of Jesus. He knew what this Jesus is all about. Aside from when you are in church, what does the word 'kingdom' make you think of? Knights and castles and battle and brave deeds and loyalty and fealty sworn to a worthy Lord? Me too. It's still that way. There are still battles to be won and fights to pick. There are still trials to persevere through. Do you believe it? I want to be the one with his sword held high when Christ sounds the alarm. And for Christ's sake, I want to be persecuted! At least i would know i was getting something right. Wouldn't it be nice if He became more than a curse word or political leverage? Let's give people something to curse about. Let's turn this world on it's ear with the ferocity of Christ's love. It won't be easy...but who wants easy? You only live once, so i've heard....

one night at the hostel...

“Hello Caleb”

“Hello Chamwaita” i take a seat next to Mr. Chamwaita, who sits on a stool in the canary yellow kitchen.

“How ah you dooeen?” his Zimbabwe accent is thick and smooth, like melted chocolate.

“I’m good, just studying my Greek.”

“Ah!” he laughs. “You will become a scholar, and get a good job. it is so easy to be lazy, then kids stay at home
and depend on their families.” he laughs again. it is deep, like thunder, and his white teeth flash like the lightning.
“And your bothers and sister will have a meeting about what to do with you.” i laughed at this, also.

“What did you have in your ears?” i point at the nearly inch long slits in his coffee colored ears.

“Ah have nooteen in dem, dey cut dem when ah was a boy. It means 'you have become a man'…it is like circumcision.” he makes a cutting motion and grimaces. “we dont have that...how old ah you?” he glances at me while he takes a sip of his tea, his lips purse and his head shakes right before the mug reaches his lips.

“20, I’m twenty years old.” I repeat, watching him intently.

“Ah, eet is ok for you.” He laughs again, he laughs so much. “When you are 55 it is going down.”

“What is going down?”

“The graph.” He makes the 'thumbs down' gesture. “Ween you ah young, it is going up.” He motions upwards with his mug. “And ween you get fifty, footy five fah some, it goes down, and you get little pains everywhere.” He pats down his chest and stomach. “And ween you ah 55, it is very rare for you to live thuhty more years. An’ ween you ah ety five, you ah like a little child again. It is very important to take care of your elders.”

“Mmhmm”

“So,” he says. “Deh is so much to do. You ah goin’, goin’, goin’ at dis age. You don even have to do it, it jus happens.” And he took another drink of his tea.

a cold day at the beach

i went swimming in the irish sea yesterday. some lady was throwing a tennis ball, and her dog would jump out and get it. then i got in, and she threw the ball and i got to it before her dog, and the dog swam after me. then i realised that i could barely feel my feet, so i fantically swam towards this rusty, barnacle covered ladder. i cut my hands up, but i couldn't feel it. my legs were purple. it was a good time.

it's so refreshing to do something out of the ordinary. actually, most things that are good for you are out of the ordinary by the world's standards. in this age of computers and cars and pagers and deadlines (what a GREAT name for those) it is a rare thing for someone to stop and enjoy nature. and when i say nature, i dont mean the 'earth-mother' or some 'gaia life force' that just appeared... i am talking about the creation of the one living God, Jehova...(just thought i would clear that up) after a long time in the city, surrounded by the things that man makes, i start to shut down, and my vision narrows and i close in on myself. i forget that there is more than steel and concrete in the world.

i have to get out in the woods, out in wilderness and nature. it keeps me going. it gives my heart a rest and lets in breathe the fresh new grace of God. there are a few things that God has revealed about Himself through nature that He longs to communicate to our parched souls:

man's work is constantly wearing down; nature is constantly growing
man's work is obsolete everyday; nature is new every day
man's work is self-destructive ; nature is self-healing
man's work is dutiful ; nature is beautiful
man's work consumes ; nature produces

im not saying that the things man makes are bad... or that we would do well to sell all our possesions and move into huts in mongolia. i am just saying that you should take advantage of the 'spiritual filling station' that God has created to soothe your minds and strengthen your faith through quiet and peaceful moments that you can spend, just you and your God. remember that the things of God will last forever. the things of man will be burnt up in an instant.

some writings of late...

"Life is meant to be lived forward and understood in reverse" Soren Kierkegaard

because time is not a matter of good and bad
or of light and dark, it is choices and degrees

choices are like moments, they pass like faint stars
or sometimes like the shadows of giants across your window
and you lay in your bed, scared of what will happen next

are you scared? i ask you, are you scared?
fear is not like fire, nor like a rushing wind
just a silent darkness, glue for your feet

it may turn out that way. that your sheets are water and your pillow a raft
and my scattered thoughts are jewels in your bitter margin.
no sun, but not to worry.

she will reappear.

-----------------------------------

our lives are a battle.
not to the death, but to the life.
we fight to keep our heads above water
above the salve of lust, or materialism
that dulls the pain, or stills the racing mind.

we fight to stay alert. we fight the sleep of entertainment
and the satisfaction of education.

we are an at-risk demographic. endangered, in the crosshairs.
so please, keep fighting. stay alert. stay in the ring.
for that is when we truly feel alive. that is when we bleed the reddest blood
--and the sky its bluest blues
that is when the world is most beautiful. and let me tell you, that is when we experience the life of Christ in us, and it is at those times when the world is its most beautiful.

february 2nd, evening

i was looking at the moon last night. the last wisps of fog were clearing off, and the waxing crescent came into crisp view above the chapel. i was trying to imagine what the earth would look like if i was on the moon. its a funny thought that the moon is a real place. but maybe i am the only one who takes it for granted, and for whom the moon is usually no more than an image, rather than a real object. if it was just an image, some clever projection, i wouldn't know the difference. i've spent my life on the earth's surface, and it all looks the same from here. is it really important whether the moon is real or not, as long as it appears so? it wouldn't be less beautiful, it would look the same as it always looks. but to me, it makes all the difference. i dont want it to be contrived. i want it to be real. and my faith. if it looks real to the world, does it matter if it is real in my heart? they will still hear the gospel, and see it demonstrated. does it matter if i am a liar? yes it matters. i dont want it to be contrived. i want it to be real.

and these three remain

Let's talk about Faith
Let's talk about supersitious mumbo-jumbo
Let's talk about old-fashioned, out-of-touch
Let's talk about hypocritical
Let's show them how to take it lightly
Let's make some jokes
Let's talk about Faith

Let's talk about Hope
Let's talk about the good old days
Let's talk about pension plans and 401Ks
Let's talk about somehow, somewhere, someday
Let's show them how to kill the pain
Let's forget about tomorrow
Let's talk about Hope

Let's talk about Love
Let's talk about feel good, do it now infatuation
Let's talk about selfish manipulation
Let's talk about it on television
Let's show them how to win the game
Let's make some money, honey
Let's talk about Love

just a dark house

I stood at the window, my face ablaze with red light, listening to the sounds from across the street. I had been there, like a statue, for hours.
"Why don't you just go over there?" My wife, sitting in her chair reading a book, did not look up. "You've been standing there for hours, you've gone as green as a goblin with envy."
"I know" I said, and I did know. Of course I was jealous, and more. I hated feeling like I was missing out, ever since I was a boy. But then there was this adult thing I learned, called pride, that kept me where I was.
"Anyone's invited, there were signs all over town, and it said he has something big planned." She still didn't look up; she didn't have to-- I was still glued to the window.
"John Maynard is there, what's that drunk doing there?" That really got me, it really did. "Last time I saw John he cussed me out, to my face! John Maynard." My voice trailed off as I said Maynard because just as I did the host of the party appeared, before John was even out of his car, and gave John a huge hug. "Wha-"
"What do you care? Just go over there! I know you want to. Everyone's invited!" She looked up this time, and fixed me with one of her looks.
"He could have at least called, or came over to invite me in person. We're neighbors for goodness sake. We had them over for steaks!" With that I whirled around and sat down and let out a big puff of air. "I wonder what he's planning to do? He should have told me you know. Anyway I can't go over now, what would everyone think? They're all there already. Even John Maynard." I wanted so badly to go over there.
"You're being childish. What are you so afraid of?" When she said that, I got back up to look out the window. My face was glowing a bright blue color now, because of the party.
"I can't believe he let me find out about this with the rest of town. I thought we had something special." I really felt like my pride was damaged. I really wondered what he had planned though.
"I'm sure he wants you there, so why don't you go? What are you afraid of?" She put her book down and kept repeating it over and over. "What are you so afraid of?" I really wanted to know what he had planned though. I went over and put my shoes on, but then I came back and sat down.
"I'm not afraid of anything, or anyone." I just sat there in a dark house wondering what he had planned, and why John Maynard was there and I wasn't.

the reasons why

i set up this blog site for one major reason...so i could comment on Jason Holdridge's blog... the end... though i hope i will start blogging and chronicling my adventures here on the emrald isle